Funny Letters From Camp
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If you’ve ever received one (or many) of these, then you know: letters from camp really are a treat. Whether they make you laugh or cry (or, sometimes, both), they are filled with humor, from the bad grammar, inventive spelling, and pure honesty to the beauty of the randomness of a one-sided conversation with your child. I have collected some of this summer’s best from my friends, and would like to share them with you. You can see the visuals of some, while others will be re-written below. Feel free to write in with some favorites from your own children.
Some highlights:
“Right now it’s rest hour and I’m on the toilet. Sorry, gotta go.”
“Dear family, I am forced to write home but I have nothing to say.”
“Dear family, have you seen the camp fashion show pix? Don’t I look hot? Sorry about the language. I’m going to need more privileges to fit in at home.”
“Dear peeps, I figured out that my flashlight went missing. Got another one?”
“’Sup! What’s chillin my homies? I’m hangin with my dawgs.”
“Camp Rox! At dinner we stood on the tables. My counselor asked if a cupcake smelled weird and then when I 
smelled it he smashed it into my face. It was awesome!”
“Dear Mom, have you been getting my letters? If you haven’t, I broke my toe. Love, Jenny.”
“Just out of curiosity, what if I came home for second session? We could go to Europe or something?”
“How come I have Lisa’s fan and water bottle and you forgot to pack my toothbrush. Can you bring one up on visiting day? It’s getting kind of gross not brushing my teeth.”
Complete Letters:
Dear D,S,E,
Hi. Not much new. One question (respond in letter) is it okay if I stepped in a piece of gum and its stuck to my shoe. I tried to get it off on a rock and a bit may have gotten on my hand. I washed my hands after but can I get something bad from that (AIDS, Parkinsons Disease, Cholera, etc…). Respond in letter ASAP. See you in less than 3 weeks.
Love,
Kenny
P.S. It is still on my shoe.
Dear Mom and Dad,
EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! This is my emergency letter because I have health problums. I have rashes on my chest, thys, neck, butt, arms, and shoulders. What should I do?
Love,
Lisa
Dear Mom,
I’m really homesick. I cry every day. I cry all the time. I am crying now. I can’t speak. I think I should go to the nurse. I am finishing this letter 3 days late. I went to the nurse because I couldn’t speak. The nurse gave me a strep test. I didn’t have it. She said to take Motrin (pills) for 2 days. Then after take 1/3 of salt water RH, then at GZ then at GNT. I’m good now.”
Love,
Jessie
Columnist and blogger Julie Gerstenblatt writes with humor and candor about her life in Scarsdale, her friends and family, and the particular demands of motherhood and wifedom in modern-day suburbia. She recently published her first novel, Lauren Takes Leave.
Top Summer Reads
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Reading shouldn’t be a seasonal activity. But for many of us, with busy schedules and little time for pleasure reading, summer becomes that boom time, that let-me-just-sit-on-the-beach-with-a-great-book-and-disappear-for-a-while special occasion. So, whether you read year-round or read more (or only) in the summertime or while on vacation, here is a list of hot new (and new-ish) releases to keep you occupied through Labor Day.
Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
This is a psychological thriller tracing the collapse of a marriage from both the husband and wife’s point of view. When the book begins, Amy Dunne has gone missing and, very quickly, her husband Nick becomes suspected of foul play. The first half of the novel unfolds through Nick’s point of view in the present time and through Amy’s old diary entries. I won’t tell you about the second half of the novel. You’ll just have to read and discover the truth for yourself. Hoda Kotb and I both really enjoyed it!
The Family Fang by Kevin Wilson
This one’s a little odd, but in a good way. It’s humorous fiction about a husband and wife team of performance artists, who involve their children in all of their work. Caleb and Camille Fang’s disregard for their children’s feelings as they continuously include them in these performances over the years is more than slightly amoral, but it provides an interesting commentary about the lines that blur between art and life. Ultimately, Wilson presents an entertaining tale of what it means to be an artist, questioning all-consuming self-obsession and the role of pain and suffering needed to achieve greatness in the arts. Recommended for people with dysfunctional families, a sense of humor, and/or a creative bent.
What Alice Forgot by Laine Moriarty
As Amazon.com says, “this is an engaging novel for anyone who’s ever asked herself, ‘How did I get here?’ Alice Love is twenty-nine, crazy about her husband, and pregnant with her first child. So imagine Alice’s surprise when she comes to on the floor of a gym (a gym! She HATES the gym) and is whisked off to the hospital where she discovers the honeymoon is truly over — she’s getting divorced, she has three kids, and she’s actually 39 years old. Alice must reconstruct the events of a lost decade, and find out whether it’s possible to reconstruct her life at the same time.” A satisfying read.
Gold by Chris Cleave
From the author of Little Bee comes this (rightly-timed) tale of Olympic success, dreams deferred, and the competitive nature of friendship mixed when mixed with a longstanding rivalry. The book begins at The 2004 Olympics and follows cycling athletes Kate and Zoe to the present time. To quote the Amazon blurb: “Now at thirty-two, the women are facing their last and biggest race: the 2012 Olympics. Each wants desperately to win gold, and each has more than a medal to lose.” I have read the first 10% of this book and like the alternating points of view and the engaging drama. I’d like to give it a gold medal, but at this point in the race, I cannot yet call it a winner.
The Rook by Dan O’Malley
This seems to be one of the hot new reads on everyone’s radar, but I haven’t read it yet and probably never will. Part mystery, part supernatural thriller, and part humor, The Rook weaves an interesting tale, though I find its plot confusing, to say the least. "’The body you are wearing used to be mine.’ So begins the letter Myfanwy Thomas is holding when she awakes in a London park surrounded by bodies all wearing latex gloves. With no recollection of who she is, Myfanwy must follow the instructions her former self left behind to discover her identity and track down the agents who want to destroy her. She soon learns that she is a Rook, a high-ranking member of a secret organization called the Chequy that battles the many supernatural forces at work in Britain. She also discovers that she possesses a rare, potentially deadly supernatural ability of her own.” It sounds like something that might be made into an HBO series, right? Let me know what you think of it.
Lauren Takes Leave by Julie Gerstenblatt
I couldn’t resist putting my own title on the list. This humorous tale centers on Lauren Worthing, a suburban wife, mom, and teacher who uses jury duty as an alibi to cover the trail of a weeklong escape from her responsibilities. Each day, the stakes rise as she and her kooky friends push their deceit further. As my favorite line from the book’s blurb explains: “Before the week is over, Lauren and her friends have moved far away from the chick-lit stereotypes they've become and closer to the lying, cheating, stealing bad-asses they didn't know they'd ever want to be.” (I wrote that, too.) Lauren Takes Leave is meant to be a fun beach read, while also providing social satire, showing what can happen when upper middle class people facing middle age grow bored and complacent.
One Last Thing Before I Go by Jonathan Tropper
This title will not be released until August 21, but I want you all to pre-order it (and read my novel in the meantime, why don’t you?!). I love all of New Rochelle-based writer Jonathan Tropper’s novels, including This is Where I Leave You, Plan B, and The Book of Joe. Tropper recently made headlines when he sold his screenplay of This is Where I Leave You for $1 million. Here is the cover copy for his latest:
“You don’t have to look very hard at Drew Silver to see that mistakes have been made. His fleeting fame as the drummer for a one-hit wonder rock band is nearly a decade behind him. He lives in the Versailles, an apartment building filled almost exclusively with divorced men like him, and makes a living playing in wedding bands. His ex-wife, Denise, is about to marry a guy Silver can’t quite bring himself to hate. And his Princeton-bound teenage daughter Casey has just confided in him that she’s pregnant—because Silver is the one she cares least about letting down. So when he learns that his heart requires emergency, lifesaving surgery, Silver makes the radical decision to refuse the operation, choosing instead to use what little time he has left to repair his relationship with Casey, become a better man, and live in the moment, even if that moment isn't destined to last very long. As his exasperated family looks on, Silver grapples with the ultimate question of whether or not his own life is worth saving. With the wedding looming and both Silver and Casey in crisis, this broken family struggles to come together, only to risk damaging each other even more. One Last Thing Before I Go is Jonathan Tropper at his funny, insightful, heartbreaking best.”
Happy reading, everyone! Feel free to share other great titles below.Columnist, blogger and author Julie Gerstenblatt writes with humor and candor about her life in Scarsdale, her friends and family, and the particular demands of motherhood and wifedom in modern-day suburbia.
Summer Cocktails for Moms
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We moms have it hard in May and June. The social calendar that we tend to throughout the year virtually explodes for the spring season, with graduation parties and birthday parties and class parties and final exams and proms and cookies to bake and brownies to bake and teachers to thank and yearbooks to distribute and camp trunks to pack and backpacks to unpack and trip forms to fill out and letters to send to camp and Father’s Day to plan and little league playoffs and final recitals and band concerts and about a million other obligations that keep our heads spinning. Until now. Because now, we have reached Nirvana. We have reached the end of June.
Ah. Say it with me. The end of June. Now exhale.
At the end of June, and well into July and August, Mommy needs – no, Mommy deserves - a cocktail.
Here are some of my personal summer faves.
The Literati
I first tasted this drink at a meeting of my book club, and have thus duly named it in honor of the occasion. Thanks to my friend Emily for serving it up in beautifully elegant stemware and making me feel special, even though I hadn’t read the book.
1/3 Prosecco
1/3 St Germain
1/3 San Pellegrino
“So, it’s a poor man’s champagne cocktail,” my friend Amy said.
“No, it’s The Literati,” I explained. “And, if you want to get crazy, try this.”
The Crazy Literati
2/3 Prosecco
1/3 St Germain
To hell with the San Pellegrino
This is how Emily served it, and, I must say, it’s quite deeelish. Thanks to Alex Javadi, Senior Wine Consultant at Zachy’s, for originally sharing with Emily this concoction, which is similar to the St Germain cocktail on that liquor’s website.
St. Germain is elderflower liquor that gives a wonderful aromatic to the drink. The St Germain website explains the process by which this liquor is brought to you: “After gently ushering the wild blossoms into sacks and descending the hillside, a few of the men who gather blossoms for your cocktail will then mount a bicycle and carefully ride the umbrells of starry white flower to a collection depot. Vraiment.” Really! They do all this for us!
St Germain comes in a killer bottle, making it a most impressive gift to bring to a summer soiree for about $30. (Be a real dahling and bring with it a few bottles of chilled Prosecco, won’t you? Your hostess and the other guests will love you.)
The Chat Punch
The Chat Punch is the kind of sticky-sweet drink reminiscent of a late 1980’s booze cruise, which is perhaps why I instantly fell in love with it. This is the drink my friends Gaby, Allison and I drank at Chat American Grill last summer, before sending dear Gaby off to her new home in St Louis, MO. When we reunited a few weeks ago at the same spot, we immediately ordered a round of Chat Punches, only to discover that the drink had been removed from the menu.
“How could they?” I wondered aloud. But then I realized that, if people are like me and only order it once a year, it might not be their bestseller.
“The bartender is gonna make it for us anyway!” Gaby said. We hoorayed.
And then I hoorayed again when the general manager of the bar shared the recipe with me.
1 oz. Absolut peach
1 oz. Absolut Mandarin
2 oz. orange juice
1 oz. cranberry juice
a splash of peach schnapps
a splash of pineapple juice
Serve with ice in tall glass and garnish with an orange slice
Sip through a straw
Warning: this does not mix well with spinach and artichoke dip.
The Rosie Melons
One of my favorite places on earth has to be the Top of the Standard (formerly known as the Boom Boom Room), at the Standard Hotel 
in the Meatpacking district of NYC. Just getting ushered through those big double doors into the swanky glass-and-leather-and-velvet lounge makes me feel better about my mediocre life. And sipping a $14 cocktail makes me believe that maybe my life is actually pretty damn fantastic, since I can apparently afford such a decadent libation. Alas, according to my sources (I called and asked the hostess), the Rosie Melons has been taken off the menu. But I have spent hours in my lab recreating for you the drink made exclusively for the Standard by mixologist and self-proclaimed cocktail architect Yusef Austin. (Actually, I watched the great tutorials he gives for mixing drinks on his website and modified them using the right ingredients. And then, just when I was this close to cracking the code, through a friend-of-a friend at Scarsdale10583.com, I was given the actual recipe from the Beverage Director at The Standard. Phew!) And now I am sharing the Rosie Melons with you.
Are you laughing at the name? Could you maybe stop? Because this drink is serious, people. It contains rosemary.
2 oz vodka
1/2 oz rosemary-infused aquavit
2 oz. cantaloupe puree
1/2 oz. fresh lime juice
½ oz. simple syrup
Blend and shake well with ice
Serve with a rosemary garnish
So, fine, this one takes some advanced planning. Like you have to buy aquavit and then infuse the aquavit with rosemary sprigs for a few days. And you have to puree a cantaloupe and make simple syrup. The good news is, that by the time you’ve finished making it, you really are in desperate need of a drink.
If you are looking for a nice, non-alcoholic summer refresher, look no further that Martha Stewart’s berry spritzer. I personally enjoy the berry spritzer at Eli Zabar’s E.A.T. on the Upper East Side of NYC, but when I called there for the recipe, they were suspicious and hostile. “How do I know you aren’t going to steal the recipe?” A man from the kitchen staff asked me when I was connected to him on the phone.
“Well, that’s kind of the point of printing your recipe in an online newspaper.” I said. “I am asking to steal it for the benefit of the masses.”
“Berries and seltzer,” he said.
“How many raspberries?” I asked. “And, do you, like, mash them? So they don’t get caught in the straw?”
And that is when he hung up on me.
So you will have to go there to enjoy one for $8 or make Martha’s, below.
Summer Berry Spritzer
3 cups blackberries
1 cup raspberries
½ cup simple syrup
½ cup white grape juice
1/3 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice
ice
seltzer (or sparkling wine, if you’d like alcohol)
Add patriotic fruit skewers for the 4th of July, with raspberries and blueberries, if so inclined to be like Martha
Place blackberries, raspberries, simple syrup, grape juice, and lemon juice in the jar of a blender; puree until smooth. Strain mixture through a fine mesh sieve, discarding solids. Fill 8 Collins glasses with ice, if using. Divide mixture evenly between glasses; top with seltzer or wine and serve immediately garnished with fruit skewers, if desired.
Lastly, apply SPF and relax. So, moms, let’s toast to summer! What are your favorite warm-weather libations? Do tell!
Columnist and blogger Julie Gerstenblatt writes with humor and candor about her life in Scarsdale, her friends and family, and the particular demands of motherhood and wifedom in modern-day suburbia.
Lauren Takes Leave
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Looking for some beach reading? Scarsdale’s Julie Gerstenblatt has just published her first novel on Amazon , and it’s the perfect vacation escape at just $4.99 per download. Lauren Takes Leave is about a stressed-out working mom with an absentee husband and a pre-occupied babysitter. So what does she do? She takes a vacation making this a good one to take on your vacation.
Here’s a description of the plot:
Wife, mother, and middle school teacher Lauren Worthing needs some time off from her busy, suburban life. So when a jury duty summons arrives, it creates the perfect alibi for ditching her slightly unfulfilling career, slightly spoiled children, slightly absentee husband, and slightly criminal babysitter.
With uninhibited friends like Jodi Moncrieff and Kat O'Connell by her side, Lauren takes leave of her senses and embarks on a weeklong pleasure bender.
From the chilly exam room of a local dermatologist’s office to the marble master bathroom of a suburban McMansion, Lauren explores deep, probing questions that come with middle age and upper middle class complacency. Questions like, who is she, really? And, why didn’t anyone tell her not to pole dance in Louboutins? Before the week is over, Lauren and her friends have moved far away from the chick-lit stereotypes they've become and closer to the lying, cheating, stealing bad-asses they didn't know they'd ever want to be. Lauren Takes Leave is a riotously funny tale of women on the verge.
Gerstenblatt’s first book came out on her birthday, July 3rd, and so far the response has been great. She spent the holiday at the Scarsdale pool and was thrilled to find people already reading her book on their Kindles.
Gerstenblatt hired her own editor and got help for the cover from her husband who is an art director. Designer and friend Gary Chews and illustrator Liz Starin produced the book jacket that is based around clues from the story with an object for each day of Lauren's vacation week
Check it out here: and when you click “Look Inside” you can sample the first few chapters.
Columnist, blogger and author Julie Gerstenblatt writes with humor and candor about her life in Scarsdale, her friends and family, and the particular demands of motherhood and wifedom in modern-day suburbia.
Yoga Haven - A Good Place to Unwind
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I recently got the chance to try a class at Yoga Haven 2, located at 91 Montgomery Avenue in Scarsdale. The studio, owned by Betsy Kase, is the new outpost of the beloved Tuckahoe yoga studio, which Kase first opened 15 years ago.
“Back then, Madonna was on the cover of Time magazine doing yoga, and people couldn’t believe that you could look like her from doing only that,” Kase explained. “Now, people have more understanding of it.” In the past few years, in addition to growing her studio across the board, she has seen an increased interest from prenatal clients, seniors, men, and even children.
“Eleven year olds spend 8 hours a day sitting in a chair in school,” she said. And then they go to play sports, sports, sports nonstop, without much stretching, “so they are getting tighter and tighter,” which can be rough on the body. That’s why Yoga Haven offers a variety of classes for kids and teens, including a Monday evening class just for boys. “We do handstands and hang from ropes, and lots of other fun things,” she explained.
Now, as you may know from other articles I’ve written, I am into spinning, not stretching. But after pulling my calf from three consecutive days of fast, repetitive pedaling, I knew that I needed to try something else. As I learned from Kase, yoga helps to heal and strengthen both the body and mind, and people who have been injured from other exercise often find a home with yoga. According to Kase, even individuals who have perhaps had surgery and then done physical therapy are finding that they still are not getting complete pain relief until they’ve done yoga. In fact, she turned to yoga in her 20’s because of chronic pain issues. “Back pain, TMJ, neck pain, migraines, digestive issues –“ she said, counting off only some of the woes one might have to make them sort of mildly miserable all the time and that the practice of yoga can help alleviate. “We’re getting older, and people are realizing that they’ve got to do something different.” In fact, she told me that, after 40, people lose 3% of their flexibility each year.
That means I’m 6% less likely to be able to touch my toes today than I was 2 years ago. By the time I’m 50, if I don’t start stretching now, I’ll be as crackly as a petrified tree.
Yeegads. I entered the studio.
Yoga Haven 2 is a beautiful, calming, light-filled space in the former home of Eastchester Glass (and all glass in the studio was supplied by them; plus, the owner there is a client of Kase’s). First, I stole someone else’s mat and then realized I had to take one of my own off the wall, for which I apologized profusely. Then I looked around and grabbed whatever props others had, including some styrofoam blocks and a blanket. (Taking any new class, even a calming one like yoga, is sort of stressful until you get the hang of the culture and general expectations.)
Betsy taught this particular class herself, which is the Monday 9:30 – 10:45 level 1 and 2 Vinyasa class. It was a perfect start for me, because although I haven’t done yoga in a while, I used to take classes regularly and sort of know what I’m doing. I’d call myself an advanced beginner. We began by sitting cross-legged on our mats and closing our eyes, getting ready for the session ahead. Betsy asked us to “unravel” ourselves, and that’s the moment that I realized just how “raveled” I was. Uncoiling my mind and body was what I worked on for the next hour or so. Down dog, up dog, plank, warrior 2, pigeon (oy), we stretched and built strength and balance.
Turns out, I’m wound pretty tight. This became really evident to me during the end of class, during deep relaxation, during which I did not relax deeply.
My son is leaving for sleep away camp for the first time in less than 2 weeks, my husband is looking for a new job, I’m about to self-publish my own novel on Amazon.com (which actually has in it a funny scene set during a yoga class), and I’m used to a high-energy spin class in which a teacher screams at me over Rihanna and I scream and whoop back, sometimes while waving a sweaty towel over my head. So, no, I am not the best at pulling a serape blanket over me and falling into a deep sleep/meditative trance at 10:30 on a Monday morning in a room full of strangers, some of whom are breathing loudly.
There’s so much to do! Have to get a toothbrush holder for Andrew! Who else used this mat and/or this blanket? Did I put enough money in the meter? I should go to Trader Joe’s after this!
An instructor for a yoga class I took in Brooklyn in the late ‘90’s used to tell us that the mind was like a puppy, in that its natural inclination was to stray. When we noticed our minds walking away from us like puppies during class, our job was to pull gently on the leash and bring the mind back. In the Yoga Haven class, I pulled and pulled on that leash. Eventually, I was yelling at that puppy, bad puppy! Heel! Stay! Come back, goddammit!
Betsy brought us back to the land of the conscious slowly. As we stretched our toes and spines, she told us that the mental aspect of the practice can be as hard, or even harder, than the physical work. “You have to cultivate the patience to do the practice,” she explained.
That’s clearly something I really have to work on.
Maybe you need to learn to unwind and build strength, too? I highly recommend taking some classes this summer at Yoga Haven. And then, go to Trader Joe’s afterwards. Keep the two activities separate - don’t create a mental shopping list during deep relaxation - and you’ll be great. Namaste.
Classes are $10 for your first class and $20 afterwards for drop-ins, with a 10-class card for $150 and an unlimited monthly class cards available for $140/mo or $345 for 3 months. You can download the Scarsdale Summer schedule here.
Columnist and blogger Julie Gerstenblatt writes with humor and candor about her life in Scarsdale, her friends and family, and the particular demands of motherhood and wifedom in modern-day suburbia.
