Terminator Genisys Opens This Weekend

You've probably seen a lot of glowing red eyes around lately—and not because someone dumped extra chlorine in the Scarsdale pool. Nope, there's another explanation: Terminator Genisys, the newest installment in the 30-year-old sci-fi movie franchise, clanked its way into theaters this week.

I caught the movie at the Alamo on Tuesday night, not realizing till I sat down that it was its premiere showing. I felt privileged...that is, till the film started rolling.

If you're unfamiliar with the Terminator series, it's driven by time travel. In the future, sinister machines rule earth, and humanity's sole hope for survival rests with a leader named John Connor (initials JC, befitting his savior role). To thwart John, the machines send a humanistic robot—a Terminator—back in time to kill John's would-be mother before she conceives him. The humans send back a soldier named Kyle to battle the Terminator and save Sarah. Mankind's fate hinges on who wins.

As this is the fifth Terminator movie, it takes a long, leaden voice-over to get the audience up to speed. Even then, the plot remains confusing. Kyle goes back in time to save Sarah, but due to a glitch, she is not the defenseless woman he'd been told to expect (and, in his macho hubris, was looking forward to rescuing). Evil Terminators killed her parents when she was a child, and a kindly Terminator raised her (Arnold Schwarzenegger, reprising the role that made him a star). Sarah's armed to the teeth, snaps orders, and can drive a big ol' truck while shooting a gun at a robot.

Can Kyle adjust to the idea of a good Terminator? Or an empowered woman? It's essential he do both: Kyle, Sarah and Ah-nold all must foray several years into the future and disable the technology that causes humanity's ruin. It's like the worst corporate team-building exercise anyone in Scarsdale has ever endured.

If only the movie focused more on the characters' growth, this all might seem fun. Instead, it crams in lots of special effects—some amazing (Arnie fighting his younger self), some also-rans (liquid-metal Terminators). Several more plot twists and characters get tossed on the mess too, but they're more disorienting than intriguing. The exception is JK Simmons, in a memorable turn as an excitable police officer.

Sadly, the leads seem woefully miscast. Emilia Clarke, as Sarah, is too girlish to sell the tough-woman thing to the audience. Her ponytail, with wisps of hair at her temples, suggests she's been displaced from a production of "Pride & Prejudice," and in what should be her grittiest moments, her delivery is so stilted it sounds as though she's auditioning for a high-school play. Jai Courtney's Kyle, by turns, whines and bickers (and ladies, he's not even that attractive, sigh). Schwarzenegger is the real star here, injecting wry humor into almost every scene he's in. It's Arnie, and Arnie alone, who makes this Terminator seem anything other than interminable.

This review was written by Scarsdale's own Deborah Skolnik. Check out her Facebook Page, Gentle Scarsdale Satire for an amusing view of goings on in the 'dale.