Linda P, You're Leaving Me: Snow Queen Linda Purvis Retires

Oh Linda, Linda...this was my fear:
that you would retire and just leave me here!
Six months from now, when the flakes start to fall,
who will be making that snow-day phone call?

(from Scarsdale poet Deborah Skolnik)

Scarsdale celebrity, Snow Queen and Assistant Superintendent Linda Purvis was regaled with music, poetry, comedy and yelps from her two grandsons at a joyful retirement party at The Davenport Club in New Rochelle on Monday night June 2nd. As Edgewood Principal Scott Houseknecth said, like Cher or Bono, the Assistant Superintendent has achieved cult-like status and is now known around the district, as just "Linda." Perhaps that's why she was given a tiara and a magic wand and waved at the camera as any queen would do.

Purvis, also known as "the fairy bond mother," has managed Scarsdale's budget, facilities,

transportation and a wide swath of employees for sixteen years. She oversaw $75 million in construction projects, bond referendums and navigated the district through a severe economic crisis. Everyone noted that Purvis was patient, upbeat and willing to explain complex concepts in terms everyone could understand. The presence of two superintendents, countless board members, PTA leaders, faculty and staff at the dinner attest to how widely she was admired and liked by all who worked with her. Also at the event were her husband, daughter, and daughter in law, who brought Linda's two new grandsons to town to cheer on their Grandma.

Superintendent Hagerman opened the dinner, saying "Tonight is about the divine Linda Purvis." He announced that Scarsdale Village and the office of State Assemblywoman Amy Paulin had issued proclamations for Linda. He mined a few of her favorite tchotchkes from her office shelf and used them to exemplify some of Purvis' winning qualities. Showing the room a small stuffed lobster, he said, "as a hardy crustacean each transition will require us to shed our shell, which has grown thick and seasoned with laughter, joy and memories."

The Scarsdale High School A Cappella group,

"For Good Measure" sang a few numbers, ending with a special encore presentation of "Let it Snow." Speaking for the faculty, Scarsdale Teachers Association President David Wixted credited Purvis for "preserving the excellence of the Scarsdale Schools." He called her a "masterful speaker" with a "mastery of financial issues," who uses reason and experience. He said she was a "fair-minded" broker who listens carefully" and "provides what dreamers and planners require." Wixted thanked Purvis for "charting our course forward and keeping us off the rocks," and "for the excellence" she brought to her work.

Director of Plant and Facilities John Trenholm said that he wasn't the district's first choice when he was hired, but to his good fortune, the number one candidate backed out. He thanked Purvis for being helpful and supportive and advised her to "take this time to remember the past and embrace the future."

Edgewood Principal Scott Houseknecht

credited Linda for her "intelligence and sense of humor" and praised her for managing "the $148 budget, facilities, people, transportation and payroll with grace and poise." He noted that many are not aware of all that Purvis does for the schools, saying "when things go wrong, people complain. But people don't notice when all is well." He said, "We have come a long way under her leadership."

Fox Meadow Principal Duncan Wilson starred in a hilarious video. The camera crew went around the district and filmed reactions from kids and staff who were told that now that Linda Purvis was leaving, there would be no more snow days. It ended with a talented elementary school girl doing a rendition of the wicked witch melting from the Wizard of Oz.

Former Superintendent Michael McGill, who

partnered with Purvis during his sixteen years on the job, returned to town to honor her. Often longwinded, McGill told the room that he was told to limit his speech to three minutes, adding "we'll see how that goes!" He said that he misses hearing Purvis' sultry and sexy voice on the phone in the early hours of the morning when she would call to discuss closing school. He called her a "great multi-tasker" who "understands the broader picture." According to McGill, Purvis is a "problem-solver" who knows what's important and "never let the numbers get in the way of the people." Saying Purvis was an "exceptional human being," he felt privileged to work with her for sixteen years.

Purvis was then given a most unusual and unique gift. Scarsdale sculptor Michael Josephs of Metalworks, Inc. created a bronze weathervane for Purvis' home in Martha's Vineyard. Pictured here, it includes a replica of a light house, lady liberty and some snowflakes. Diane Greenwald helped Josephs with the design.

School Board President Mary Beth Gose provided some background on Purvis' career path. Purvis attended Princeton and took time off from work to care for her three children, while serving as president of two PTA's and head of the PT Council in Pelham. She held numerous positions in business offices at school districts in Westchester and ultimately came to Scarsdale where she stayed the longest. Gose said that, "every vision needs an implementer" and thanked Purvis for keeping the district on a "steady course during challenging years."

Deborah Skolnik, a Scarsdale resident, writer and founder of Gentle Scarsdale Satire wrote and delivered an original poem for Purvis that is reprinted below. She held the audience rapt as she rapped. (see below)

Purvis ultimately got to give the last word, and after thanking the committee that put together the evening, her colleagues, employees and all the board members, she shared the top ten things she learned on the job:

1) Given Westchester's geography and Scarsdale's distance from every major roadway, there is no way to get from her home in Pelham to Scarsdale in less than 25 minutes.
2) When you put seashells in the foundation of a building, odd things happen. (A reference to the trouble with the foundation of the Quaker Ridge School)
3) All about rebar
4) How to navigate Scarsdale High School
5) It is possible for a school district to get a discount on the purchase of 5,000 gas masks.
6) If you're looking for the visitor parking lot at Scarsdale High School, keep away from the section where the BMW's Mercedes and Lexus' are parked – that's the student lot.
7) She has a reputation for being cool, calm and unflappable – "Never nervous Purvis"
8) If Dr. McGill says he wants to discuss a new idea, get coffee, put your feet up and be prepared for a long discussion.
9) If Dr. Hagerman says he has an idea, look at your watch, say you're late for a meeting and run.
10) To be popular in Scarsdale: never give out homework, never give out tests and cancel school for the next day
11) There are no new problems in education – just old problems to explain over and over again.

A final request for Linda: Will you make one last robo-call to say goodbye? We'll be waiting by the phone!

Here is a comment and the poem from Deborah Skolnik:

"I had a transcendent moment last night--I met my muse, Linda Purvis, at her retirement party! She had a broad smile and looked great, if her index finger was a bit stubby from years of robo-dialing. I recited the following poem in her honor (despite my hammering heart--is pre-public-speaking anxiety a cardiovascular workout?) She hugged me and said she loved it. I shall not wash my shoulders again."

LINDA P., YOU'RE LEAVING ME!

Oh Linda, Linda...this was my fear:
that you would retire and just leave me here!
Six months from now, when the flakes start to fall,
who will be making that snow-day phone call?
I used to look out my window and just feel so nervous
till I heard those magic words:
"Good evening, this is Linda Purvis."

I'm so sad and anxious, I'm growing deranged.
I'm starting to hope for MORE climate change!
If the poles melt, and penguins turn hot to the touch,
then it won't snow, and then I won't miss you so much.
Yep, the whole world will have to catch fire
for me to be cool with the fact you'll retire.

But snow days aside, it's also quite true
that few of us realize how much more you do!
I hear quiet rumors that among other things,
it was you who held tight to the district's purse strings,
and that also, without making much of a fuss,
it was you who decided which children to bus.

I don't mean to sound selfish--well, actually I do--
but how am I going to get by without you?
When the budget runs wild, who'll do the taming?
When a snow day turns bad, who will I be blaming?
Forget retirement! Forget your family!
Do the right thing, Linda, come on: Think of ME!

I could argue and argue, but I bet I would find
that no matter what, I'm not changing your mind.
So go on, everybody, go grab your Nikon
and get some last pics of our school system's icon.
Because the next time it snows, she'll be far, far away,
where the blue ocean shines and the palm trees all sway.

Linda, letting you go will be awfully hard.
I'll have to send you a reverse post card
showing Scarsdale all snowy, and me with a tear,
and we'll all have to sign it, saying "WISH YOU WERE HERE!"

© 2015 Deborah Skolnik