Hora Time
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- Written by Stacie M. Waldman
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My son is having his Bar Mitzvah at Yankee Stadium- he can't wait to see his montage on the big screen.
My daughter had a professional photo shoot before the big day- there will be life-size posters of her hung all around the ballroom.
My daughter didn't want the big party, so we just hired limos for her and 15 of her friends and rented them a house in the Hamptons for the weekend. We had activities planned for them the entire weekend.
By age 11, your child has a Bar/Bat Mitzvah date. This important milestone in Judaism marks the bittersweet road from childhood to adulthood. By age 12, your child is learning to chant a Torah portion. You feel proud, and you start the party planning. You figure you better start making a list of the things you need to do and decisions you need to make to get ready to celebrate your child's accomplishment.
Your list likely includes, but is not limited to:
• Invitations- (Who to invite? Should I make an A list and a B list? What wording should I use? Is it really possible to spend that much on invitations? She wants to invite how many friends?)
• Calligrapher
• Hair Stylist
• Make-up artist
• Venue and caterer (as well as menu- so many choices!)
• Photographer and videographer
• Seating chart (decide whether or not you'll take "requests")
• Graphic Designer (for invitations and/or "branding your child")
• Entertainment and games
• Music (DJ? Band? An 11-piece band? Live performance by Flo Rida?)
• Cake
• Favors
• Event planner
• Exit favor
• Dresses and suits
• Flowers
• Centerpieces
• After-service Kiddush luncheon
• Thank you notes
• Security- (actually, this is a team you can hire to act as "babysitters" for the kids, although they often disguise themselves as dancers)
• Meeting after meeting with the calligrapher, florist, caterer, venue, baker, DJ/band leader, entertainers, graphic designer, hair stylist, makeup artist, etc.
How much should I expect to spend on a Bar/Bat Mitzvah party? Costs vary, of course. First, and most importantly, you need to come up with a budget you are comfortable with given your own family's circumstances. One Rabbi I spoke with said that there is nothing more upsetting to her than a family who doesn't plan well and ends up suffering financially as a consequence. An average venue with catering can run $20,000 or more for 175 people, but this does not include anything else on the above list; and these services can be pricey. Once you have your budget, you can begin making calls. Costs, as well as quality, have a wide range, so referrals from friends or colleagues and reading online reviews can help. One Scarsdale mom I spoke with cautioned against hiring the first person you meet with. "I met with one popular guy that people use to book their DJs and games. The whole time he was trying to figure out where my party was and who my friends were so he could 'size me up.' He sent me a quote," she continued, "and it was more than double all the other quotes I had gotten." She estimated the cost of a party to be between $20,000-$150,000 with the average in the middle. "And remember, everything can be negotiated," she added. Jacqueline Vazquez, an event planner and owner of Lifetime Events by Jacqueline, estimated that the average cost for a party in Westchester is around $50,000, but can go as high as $100,000 or more. "A modest luncheon could be had for $8,000."
What are popular venues for a party? Hotels, country clubs, and temples continue to be popular venues, but Life, The Place To Be in Ardsley and Chelsea Piers in Stamford are fun alternatives. Nightclubs or dance clubs are increasingly sought after venues. Ms. Vazquez said that the Net Jet Hanger at Westchester Airport is another interesting space people are using for parties, and there's also the CV Rich Mansion in White Plains. Destination Bar/Bat Mitzvahs are becoming more commonplace as well. Rabbi Andrea Frank, an independent Rabbi, said her favorite Bar and Bat Mitzvah parties were in people's backyards. "Often, people will have a tent and dance floor set up, the grill going, and a separate area for kids and adults, so everyone tends to have a great time," she said.
What are current trends in Bar and Bat Mitzvahs in Scarsdale? Christine Varbero from Caperberry Events provides event planning and on-site catering for the CV Rich Mansion. "The night club theme is very in right now," she said. "Also, fun things with food, like candy bars and themed food stations." The most elaborate party she saw was when a family had the mansion transformed into a carnival with stilt walkers, rides, and real carnival games. "Kid branding" is very in right now. For example, a girl by the name of Dawn David (fictitious) might have her initials (DD) branded to look like the Dunkin' Donuts logo. And after the branding is complete, prizes, favors, decorations, and cakes often contain the logo. The branded decorations alone can cost thousands of dollars. The Scarsdale mom I spoke with exclaimed, "The amount of other-kid-branded sweatshirts my kids have is insane!" Ms. Vazquez added, "The top tier trends are high tech- intelligent lighting, gobos with fun patterns, live event cams, virtual reality games, and laser tag games. Colors are still popular, and traditional themes are still used such as sports and hobbies."
Most importantly, how do parents keep the true meaning of a Bar or Bat Mitzvah in the day? The Scarsdale mom I spoke
with does think that the day gets lost on many Bar/Bat Mitzvah children. "They're only 13, and the families must take responsibility to see that the meaning of the day is significant to the child beyond how tall the cake is." She has increasingly seen girls registering at a specific jewelry store in Scarsdale. She prefers to gift money- she feels that at least that may go toward paying for college. More concerning is seeing the day get lost on the parents. The planning is exhausting, but one must keep in mind that it's a short party, and just a party at that- for a 13-year-old. Unfortunately, people still tend to talk about how great the party was (or not) instead of how wonderful a job a child did with his or her Torah portion. Many synagogues now require students to do service projects as part of their Bar/Bat Mitzvah training, but why wait until then to teach your child the lesson of service to others and the gratification that (hopefully) comes along with it? And why leave it up to the synagogue to teach that instead of the parents? From Bronx River cleanups to volunteering with the Junior League of Central Westchester to donating used books and toys to other children, there are plenty of opportunities to teach even the youngest of children the gift of a mitzvah.
Speaking of gifts, what do people in Scarsdale traditionally give as gifts to a Bar or Bat Mitzvah? Most people I spoke with gave me a range, depending on how close you are to the child or family, and whether it is just the child going or the whole family. Multiples of 18 are traditional, as 18 stands for Chai and is a spiritual number in Judaism. One Scarsdale parent told me that she gifts a minimum of $200 if attending as a family, and up to $500 for a close friend or family. "For a close circle, $360 is most common," she said. "Kid to kid is usually $54. If you barely know your child's friend, then maybe $36. For a close friend we would go up to $108." What if you're not attending the ceremony and party? Some people give, some people don't, but it's usually on the lower end if a gift is sent.
300 Debaters Visit SHS for Invitational Tournament
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- Written by Joanne Wallenstein
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On Friday February 7th and Saturday February 8th the Scarsdale High School Speech and Debate team hosted the 10th Annual Scarsdale Debate Invitational. This year's tournament featured close to 300 students from 26 schools from seven different states. Scarsdale High School physics teacher and debate team coach Joe Vaughan, along with many high school students from the team and their parents, organized the event and provided hospitality for the competitors and coaches throughout the weekend. The proceeds from the tournament will help fund Scarsdale's many qualifiers for the State and National Tournaments for which our students have qualified. This coming weekend the High School Speech and Debate Team heads to Harvard University for the Harvard National High School Invitational Forensics Tournament, which is held in Cambridge each Presidents' Weekend, and is one of the most prestigious high school speech and debate tournaments in the country.
Photos courtesy of Jon Thaler. See more of his work here:
SBNC Seeks Candidates for Scarsdale School Board
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- Written by Joanne Wallenstein
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The Scarsdale School Board Nominating Committee (SBNC) is seeking candidates for nomination to the Scarsdale Board of Education. In the coming months, the SBNC will nominate two candidates to the board. Jonathan Lewis has recently announced that he will step down from the School Board this year and will not seek re-election to a second term. An additional seat is available to fill the position currently held by Sunil Subbakrishna, who is completing his first term and is eligible for re-nomination. The SBNC invites all residents to propose candidates for the Board of Education. A candidate must be at least 18 years old, a U.S. citizen, a qualified voter, and a resident of the Scarsdale school district for at least one year prior to the May 20, 2014 school board election date. Candidates should complete a biographical information form and submit it via email to the SBNC Chair, John Clapp, at [email protected] as soon as possible, but no later than 5:00 PM on February 25, 2014. Forms are available at www.scarsdalesbnc.com. For more information on the SBNC, including the governing Resolution, information on the non-partisan system and a list of the current SBNC members, please visit the SBNC website or contact the SBNC Chair.
Scarsdale10583 received the following letter from the Scarsdale School Board Nominating Committee:
To the Editor,
On behalf of the Administrative Committee of the Scarsdale School Board Nominating Committee, we would like to congratulate the newly elected members of the School Board Nominating Committee (SBNC). We thank all candidates who ran as well as everyone in the community who voted in the recent election, whether by mail-in ballot or in person. Your participation ensures a strong, contested election resulting in the election of the best representatives to evaluate prospective members of our School Board.
We also thank the members of our committee and many others in the community who helped recruit candidates and publicize and run the election. The Administrative Committee organizes and administers the SBNC election at significant expense. The cost of producing and mailing the brochure to every Scarsdale resident is not included in the School budget, the Village budget or any other source of public funds. These expenses are covered exclusively by contributions from citizens like you.
We really do need the individual financial support of members of the community. Please consider a contribution to the election fund of the Administrative Committee. Donations can be made by Paypal (http://scarsdalesbnc.com/please-donate/) or by check payable to "SBNC Administrative Committee" and sent to our post office box, PO Box 172H, Scarsdale 10583.
Donations are used solely for running the SBNC election and do not benefit any individual candidate. It is through your support that we can continue to sustain this non-partisan system of robust and contested elections and elect members for the Scarsdale School Board Nominating Committee.
Thank you for your participation and support.
Janet Korins and Jyoti Ruta,
Co-chairs SBNC Admin. Committee
Choosing a Sleepaway Camp in the Off-Season
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- Written by Ellen Wylie
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What do you do when your child comes to you in February and says "I want to go to sleepaway camp THIS year?" What do you do when you first decide that you want to send your son or daughter away to camp in February? Can it still be done this year? Yes! Many excellent camps still have space for summer '14 and you can find the right one for your child now.
Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to choose a fabulous sleepaway camp for your child without visiting camps the summer before. In fact, over the course of the year, many people who never visited camps decide to send their children to overnight camp and make excellent choices. How does a parent decide?
Start by thinking about your child's personality and interests as well as any requirements that you may have (i.e. price range, location, length of stay, particular activities, single sex v. coed v. brother-sister, future siblings, etc.). Next, think about the camps. Inasmuch as there are thousands of camps listed on the internet, a great way to find the right one is to consult with a camp advisor who has expertise in this area. Most camp advisors or referral agents (as they are called by the camps) do not charge parents for their services. Call a camp advisor who has personal knowledge of the camps, knows the directors and has actually observed the camps in session herself. She will know about the administration, facilities, philosophies and cultures of the camps. She will know, or find out, which camps that are appropriate for your child still have space. When you speak to your camp advisor, be honest and share information about special needs, if any, or difficulties that your child has had in the past. In order for a camp advisor to help you find a camp that is a great fit and where your child will succeed, it is important that you tell the advisor everything they need to know about your child. Do not hold back with the camp advisors or camp directors who all want your child to thrive at camp.
Your camp advisor will suggest several camps to you and get you information from them. Look at the DVDs and packets they send. Once your advisor gives you a few suggestions, look at those websites as well. After you have reviewed the information, call any of the suggested camps that interest you and speak to the directors yourself. Directors often tend to have much more time to talk to prospective parents at this point in the year than they do when families tour camps over the summer. Ask the directors about staff and camper return rates. It is also helpful to ask directors for references from other parents.
As tempting as it may be, try to avoid canvassing all of your friends to find out what they have heard about camps you may be looking at. Their information is not always based on personal knowledge. Of course, if a friend sends their own child/ren to a camp you are considering, their feedback might be very useful to you. However, don't pick a camp just because a friend or neighbor sends a child there. You should also think hard about sending your child to camp with a friend from home. There are many good reasons not to.
After you narrowed down your camp choices, start to include your child in the process. Your child will become less nervous and more excited about going if they are involved. Show your child a few DVDs of camps you like. Your camp advisor will help you select one or a (very) few camps to have home or Skype visits. It is not necessary to visit an empty camp in the off-season. While it is very helpful to visit camps in session, you will not observe friendships, relationships or supervision or feel the culture of the camps by seeing them over the winter. When you visit a camp without campers, you do not have the opportunity to observe how the staff interacts and engages the kids. In the off-season, meet or speak to camp directors before making a decision to enroll.
The directors set the tone at the camp and you want to feel comfortable with them and their philosophy. Your child should absolutely be present at any home visit. Let the director get to know him and let your child ask questions. Your camp advisor will help you come up with questions to ask the director yourself. Ask the director about anything that is important to you. After all, you will be entrusting that camp with your most important possession- your child. Often, your camp choice will be obvious after you meet with one or a (very) few directors. If you need help deciding, go back to your camp advisor. At the end of the day, listen to your gut feel and choose the camp where you can most envision your child returning for many wonderful summers to come.
This article was contributed by Ellen Wylie of Spectacular Summers. Let Ellen help you find the right camp or summer experience for your child or teen. Visit her website at www.spectacularsummers.com or call her at: (914)722-2644 or (888)774-2267.
Edgemont SBNC Seeks Feedback on Candidates
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- Written by Joanne Wallenstein
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At the public session of the January 22rd Edgemont School Board Nominating Committee (SBNC) meeting, the SBNC accepted letters of recommendation for three Edgemont residents to fill the two upcoming vacancies on the School Board: Anish Nanavaty, Jon Faust and Genevieve Jaffe. Anish Nanavaty of Evandale Road was recommended for a second term on the Board, and both Jon Faust of Ferndale Road and Genevieve Jaffe of Highland Road were recommended for first terms.
The SBNC accepted the letters with great appreciation of the willingness of all three candidates to serve Edgemont's schools and community. The SBNC seeks comment from Edgemont residents concerning the candidates. All comments should be submitted by March 15th in writing to Monica Sganga, SBNC Chair, 350 Evandale Road, Scarsdale, NY 10583, [email protected]. Comments must be attributable (anonymous comments will not be accepted) and will be kept confidential within the SBNC.
