An Exchange Extraordinaire
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The night of October 19, I found myself lugging a heavy pink suitcase up two flights of stairs toward my family's guest room. My French exchange student, along with 24 other students who attend Lycée Paul Cézanne in Aix-en-Provence, France, had arrived that evening via JFK for her two-week stay in Scarsdale. When I signed up for the Scarsdale High School Exchange Program, I, of course, immediately began to predict what my exchange student would look like and what activities we would do together- football, fantasy basketball drafts, Xbox, weight lifting, and much more. What I most definitely would not have guessed was that my French guest would eventually show up sporting a fashionable handbag, a scarf, and makeup. As a result of numbers issues, I had been assigned a girl, making the Exchange that much more interesting and unique for me personally.
When Madame Corten, the department head of the French program at SHS and the director of the French Exchange program, first informed me that I would be hosting a French girl and vice versa, I was shocked. I left school feeling disappointed the day I found out my assignment. I was told that I did not have to host a girl if I felt uncomfortable but that my willingness would be helpful in mending numbers issues. There would be fifteen girls and ten boys coming from France whereas thirteen girls and twelve boys had been selected from Scarsdale. When I told my mom and asked what she thought, she admitted that it would be very different from what we had all expected. My younger sister was thrilled by the idea, and my mom also soon began advocating for me to accept my assignment, realizing that it would be reasonable to assume a girl would be neater around the house than would a boy. She persuaded me that girls are generally more sociable and open, making it easier to connect. Thus, even though I knew hosting a girl would probably mean no Xbox and no football, I decided against changing partners.
Over the weeks leading up to the start of the hosting process, the jokes from friends and family seemed never-ending. I was repeatedly told, "Everything happens for a reason; maybe you'll end up marrying her." Many people simply were dumbfounded, assuming cross-gender pairings for the exchange would not be allowed. To these people, I always reiterated that I was given a choice to switch if my parents or I felt uncomfortable.
During the month of October, Scarsdale High School seemed foreign at certain points. Not in the sense that it was no longer recognizable but rather because the school hallways were filled with foreigners. October kicked off with the Italian and Chinese Exchange programs, then Spanish, followed by French. All four exchanges consist of two weeks hosting in October followed by two weeks spent abroad in February. These exchange programs are offered every other year and are always met with great anticipation. For each exchange, interested students must complete an application, with priority awarded to juniors and seniors. Upon acceptance, students' applications will be used to match them with an exchange student who shares similar interests and hobbies. The exchange student one hosts always reciprocates in February. There is no option of solely partaking in the February part; students who sign up must both host and live abroad. Even though many kids are turned off by the idea of hosting and worry that it will turn into 'babysitting,' I can honestly say from experience that hosting was incredible.
From a linguistics standpoint, hosting was a fantastic opportunity for all fifty students involved in the French Exchange program. Simple everyday words I used were sometimes not understandable to my exchange student Florie, who luckily for me, speaks English extremely well, having lived with another American family in Minnesota for a month this past summer. Still, there was plenty for her (and me) to learn. When I got off the phone with my friend one afternoon, she asked me, "What does 'dude' mean?" I found it so amusing that I had not even realized I had called my friend "dude," because some slang words are so much a part of everyday language that we never think twice when using them. Yet, of course, she could not be expected to understand that word, considering in school, proper language is taught, not slang. This sort of difference between what one is taught in school and what people colloquially use was a theme that reappeared quite frequently throughout our fleeting time together. Occasionally, I would say something, and a French student would look at me and say, "We don't say that. That's more like what older people would say." They would acknowledge that what I said was technically correct but that it was just not common usage.
Despite the often-amusing linguistic differences and barriers that existed from time to time, we were all able to get to know each other surprisingly well in a matter of just two weeks. For that first week, the other SHS juniors and I felt like we could put the rigors of junior year on the back burner in an attempt to ensure the French kids would be entertained and effectively exposed to American life. The truth is that the most accurate depiction of our lives would have been to have them watch as we carried out our normal homework routines with little room for spontaneity or mid-week entertainment. Instead, we SHS students were able to successfully manage our workloads while also devoting plenty of time to our French students. On a Wednesday night, a large group of exchange participants went out for a hibachi dinner, because the French students informed us that they had never heard of hibachi before. Everyone ended up having an amazing night, as the French kids sat around the table, eyes wide, amazed by the cooking and fires right in front of us. Florie and her best friends all tried Japanese sodas for the first time. After the meal, our fun continued as I tried to teach some of the French boys how to "Do the John Wall" dance.
When we got home a little after 9pm that night, I wrote on our French Exchange Facebook page, which consists of all 50 students on the trip, "Classic Wednesday Night." Of course, though, that night was anything but common, especially for a group of Scarsdale High School juniors. I will always remember that night, because it was the first time I was finally able to catch a vegetable in my mouth when the hibachi chef lobbed it up toward me and because of the special people, amazing food, and entertaining conversations that culminated in the type of moment that one wants to hold on to dearly for life.
I do not know how well my friends and I would have been able to manage a second week in a row of hosting without buckling down and devoting more time to schoolwork. I am sure we could have and would have, but as things turned out, we did not have to. Although it resulted in a week off, Hurricane Sandy was not the way we had hoped to avoid schoolwork. My family lost power for a grand total of twelve days, five of which while Florie was still here. When I tell people that Hurricane Sandy hit while the French kids were here, they often assume that it must have dramatically affected the exchange for the worse. There is no arguing that there were some negative ramifications, including both the canceling of one planned city trip and extensive power outages. However, the hurricane was an experience that none of us will ever forget. We made a point of ensuring that the French students understood that the hurricane was an anomaly and something completely unlike anything we had ever witnessed before. We also had to make sure that our guests were regularly reporting back to their worried parents in France.
In spite of the difficult circumstances, we were able to do a good job making the most of the opportunity. The night our power went out, we had a family dinner by candlelight and then still using candles, we all played a game of Monopoly. That gave us all the opportunity to learn some new French and English vocabulary respectively though I did have to control my mom who at times tried to teach Florie SAT-level words. The next day, we walked along my street while Florie took pictures of the disaster's shocking results and tremendous effects. One day that week, I had a group of French and American students over for a card tournament even though my house was still out of power. We taught the French kids how to play common American card games and vice versa. So, ultimately, although terrible, the hurricane did allow us all to spend more precious time together, because two weeks really does seem to go by in a heartbeat.
Florie and I spent just fourteen days together, yet so many great experiences and memories were able to come out of such a short period. Her first day in Scarsdale, we went out to Parkway Diner for lunch, and I struggled mightily to explain to her what rye bread looked like. Eventually, I felt the need to ask a waitress to bring out a piece so that Florie could understand. That night, we went to my friend's house, and to our pleasant surprise, Florie turned out to be quite the talented ping-pong player. A few days later, she provided my family and me with an assortment of gifts from France. She brought special chocolates, candies, and a beautiful book containing photographs of the Provence countryside for my parents. She gave my sister a handbag that reads, "Je Suis Une Princesse," while I received a scarf, a French tee shirt, and a hat. When all fifty of us went to the city later that week together to go ice-skating at Rockefeller Center, I wore all the gifts that she had so kindly given me (I was told that I was able to pull of the "French look" quite well). The previous week, French students and their chaperones had spent three days touring Manhattan while we attended classes. They saw such sights as The Empire State Building, Chinatown, the World Trade Center site, the Statue of Liberty, Harlem, Columbia University, and the Museum of Modern Art.
Florie explained to me that in France, people mostly listen to American popular music because the general consensus among her and her friends was that there is not much good French music. One day, we spent hours together going through all of her favorite American songs so that I could explain the lyrics. Now, she will be able to comprehend the lyrics that she sings. During the music explanation sequence, I would sometimes sing the beginning of a song to help her discern whether she already knew it. She would often shake her head no, but when I would played the actual song for her to listen to, she would tell me that she did in fact already know the song. With a smile, she told me, "I just don't recognize because you are singing." Good friends feel comfortable poking fun at one another, and it did not take long for our joking to begin.
As the two weeks began winding down, sadness started to creep in. Knowing we would have to say, 'Au revoir' and not be rejoined with our new French friends until February was weighing on everyone. Florie had only one item that she absolutely had to bring home to her family: Peanut Butter M&M's, because they are not sold where she lives. When packing began, the cache of items the French kids bought became evident. They told me that prices in New York City were much more reasonable than those in Aix. One French Exchange student, Dylan, boarded the bus back to the airport dressed from head to toe in Chicago Bulls gear that he had bought at the NBA store in Manhattan that week.
I, along with all the other SHS students involved, am greatly looking forward to the next part of the trip in February when we will have the opportunity to live in Aix-en-Provence. If it is true that hosting is significantly less fun than is visiting, then the second half of the exchange will be amazing. When all fifty of us met at the bus at SHS to bid the French students a farewell on Saturday November 4th, the waterworks began. We all took pictures together and gave each other final hugs. My sister and I felt as if our "sister" were being taken away from us while my parents felt as if their "daughter" were leaving for good. Many of the American students exchanged our final "la bise" with the French, performing the traditional double-cheek kiss that we had become accustomed to witnessing. When Florie broke down in tears before getting on the bus, I thought to myself, "Job well done, Noah. I guess this means you must have been a good host." This notion of mine has been confirmed, as Florie recently changed her Facebook profile picture to the two of us with the UPenn mascot from the weekend we traveled to Philadelphia to show her what an American college campus looks like. I, along with all the SHS students in the program, cannot wait for the chance to tour Aix-en-Provence and to live in a foreign culture with our new friends.
Noah Klayman is a junior at Scarsdale High School who is looking forward to traveling to France in February, 2013
After a Scandal, Students Debate Faculty Vetting Process
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With its excellent schools, safe streets, and well-manicured lawns, Scarsdale seems like the last place to be marred by a scandal involving cocaine and prostitution. Yet, last Tuesday, students left classes to find newscasters on campus discussing a former SHS dean, David Mendelowitz, who was accused of participating in exactly these illegal practices. In the wake of his arrest, the topic of Mr. Mendelowitz has become so taboo and sensitive at SHS, that most students, teachers, and deans who were asked to comment on the subject declined because of the district's advice to make no statements. Students were left surprised, angry, and frustrated that they were receiving guidance from a man who has been accused of using cocaine for twenty years on Friday nights, while he was participating in the school's Drug and Task Force Monday through Thursdays.
Ms. Elizabeth M. Guggenheimer, the Scarsdale Board of Education President, said in an email sent out to the district, "many students benefitted from Mr. Mandelowitz's guidance and involvement in school activities." Some students agree that they can look past his crime for a moment to acknowledge the support he gave them in the previous years.
"If people said Dean Mendelowitz was 'weird' or a little 'off' they're lying," said Sarah Sherr an SHS Sophomore. "If you had him as a dean, you would know that he was a great guy."
Another high school junior, who wished to remain anonymous, claimed she felt a special connection to Mendelowitz as a dean. "He still helped all of the students and members of my family regardless of his problem and he did so much good for many students and for Scarsdale as a whole that my views on him do not change at all," she said.
While the debate rages about David Mendelowitz as a person, questions about the vetting process of faculty in a prestigious high school are also being raised.
An anonymous SHS senior expressed uneasiness that the school district, however unknowingly, allowed a claimed habitual cocaine user into the school. "I lost a little bit of trust in the selection process of the faculty members in my school. How could these administrators miss such a major flaw in character? This is an excellent district and there is no need for cocaine users to work in Scarsdale," he said.
Freshman Marcus Pompas, however, still trusts the district. "I do feel a little uneasy about the school's selection of teachers, but I still have faith in their choosing of faculty because we have some really great teachers in my school," he said.
Mr. Kenneth Bonamo, the new SHS principal, wants to assure residents the faculty hiring process is thorough and usually very successful. This procedure includes several preliminary rounds of interviews by a committee made up of department members. Administrators, parents, and students join in later rounds to weigh in on the potential teacher. The committee then recommends selected candidates to the district administration, where the final decision is made. In the past, the superintendent has generally accepted the recommendation of the principal. Going forward, Mr. Bonamo believes the Scarsdale community cannot let one person's actions define the school and neighborhood. "What we can do now is what we should try to do every day: be the best people we can be and live up to our ideals. In two months, a year, two years, that's what others will remember about us."
Contributor Isabel Klein is a sophomore at Scarsdale High School where she can be found using an abundant amount of exclamation points, writing for Scarsdale10583 and dreaming about wandering the streets of Manhattan, Africa, and hopefully one day, the moon. Follow her on twitter @isabel_ellis
Summer Activities Fair at SHS November 28
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If you need some ideas for summer plans for your children, The Summer Activities Fair is the perfect opportunity to meet representatives from a wide variety of summer programs. Precollege enrichment, sports, music, theater, travel, community service, language immersion, outdoor adventure, environmental studies, travel in the U.S. and abroad, leadership skills and more. You'll find programs from as far away as Ireland, Montana and Wyoming offering kids the opportunity to explore their passions, whether it be living on a farm, European travel, delving into computer programming or scuba diving in the Caribbean.
Both parents and students are invited to attend the fair to speak with program representatives and students who have participated. See videos, pick up brochures and get great information about the breadth of possibilities available for this coming summer. The Summer Activities Fair is sponsored by the Scarsdale High School PTA and admission is FREE.
Where: Scarsdale High School Cafeteria
When: Wednesday November 28, 2012
What Time: 7:30 – 9:30 PM
Former SHS Dean David Mendelowitz Indicted
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A beloved former dean from the Scarsdale High School Counseling Department has been indicted for patronizing prostitutes, possession of crack cocaine, for the illegal purchase of Viagra and for hindering prosecution. According to the Journal News, Dean David Mendelowitz, a favorite of SHS students was among 19 people indicted on Tuesday November 20th. The arrests were announced by Attorney General Eric Schneiderman and NYC Police Commissioner Ray Kelly following a 16-month investigation into an ad agency that allegedly promoted prostitution.
In the complaint Mendelowitz admitted to using cocaine for years, saying, "I order cocaine and crack from an Asian female that I know. I have been using cocaine for twenty years. The last time I used cocaine was on May 8, 2012. I usually use cocaine on Friday nights."
Outlined in the complaint are two communications Mendelowitz had with Jay King the manager of the prostitution and narcotics ring. On May 4, 2012 he asked King to send him a female prostitute named Yoyo and said he wanted "two more hours plus a hundred for a package of rock." code for cocaine). On May 10 he asked Jay to send a prostitute named Suji along with "the blue thing and everything", referring to prescription Viagra and cocaine.
On May 18, according to the complaint he again spoke to Jay King to let him know that investigators from the NYS Attorney General's Office had come to his apartment and knew that he had been seeing prostitutes and smoking crack.
Mendelowitz abruptly retired from Scarsdale High School in June, 2012 after an absence of several weeks. Colleagues and students were surprised by his departure and there was speculation that he was sick or that a family member was ill. He was not lauded with the other retiring members of the SHS staff at the June 18, 2012 meeting.
In comments on Scarsdale10583.com, Mendelowitz was called "a champion for students, a fabulous colleague, and an innovative thinker." He was also credited with serving as the president of the Westchester Putnam Rockland Counselors Association and teaching aspiring counselors as a professor at Fordham University.
During his tenure at the high school, Mendelowitz served on the Drug and Alcohol Task Force, a group of students, parents, teachers, school administrators, and community leaders that seeks to educate students and adults about drugs and alcohol and develop "drug free attitudes."
After news of the indictment broke on Tuesday afternoon November 20, parents and students were reeling in disbelief. Emails, with subject lines like "OMG" were widely circulated with links to the news. It was hard to reconcile the man everyone knew with the news, As one parent said, "I was very surprised to hear about the charges. He was very respected at the high school and did a great job." Ken Hershey, a 2009 graduate of SHS jumped to his Dean's defense. "Dave Mendelowitz is a good man and was an outstanding dean. Above all else, he is innocent until proven guilty." Some noted the resemblance of this case to that of Eliot Spitzer, in that both men were abusing the same laws they were charged with upholding. Particularly troubling to parents was Mendelowitz's role as a mentor to Scarsdale students.
An email from Michael McGill, Superintendent of the Scarsdale Schools was sent to parents and here is what it said:
Dear Members of the Scarsdale Schools Community:
I regret to inform you that we have just learned that a former dean at Scarsdale High School, David Mendelowitz, who retired in June, has been arrested on charges involving prostitution and illegal substances. Law enforcement officers have told us that his alleged conduct did not involve anyone in our community.
Despite this sad and most unfortunate news, we continue hopefully on our educational journey. After the difficulties of the past weeks, children are learning, and the schools are abuzz with productive activity. Please know that our children's safety and well-being are constantly in the forefront of teachers' and school leaders' minds.
We move forward, looking ahead to the reassuring warmth of family and friends this Thanksgiving Day and to positive, constructive learning in the coming months.
Sincerely,
Michael V. McGill
Superintendent of Schools
Tips for Handling the Stress of Sandy
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As a mental health clinician and mother of twins in Edgewood who has not had power since last Monday, I found myself asking the same questions many people have posed to me. I want to reassure others (and perhaps myself) that as complicated as life is now, we will all recover from Hurricane Sandy. Life will return to our own definition of normal. Even shrinks need to remind themselves of that from time to time.
Recognize and Validate “Unseen Loss.”
Loss and pain is unique to each person and should be treated as such. Yes, for most of us Hurricane Sandy has not manifested in the tragic loss of human life nor has it destroyed our town and neighborhoods as we know them. We are fortunate not to have been living in Breezy Point or Staten Island. For that, we are eternally grateful and recognize our luck at having been spared these horrible and painful experiences. During times of tragedy and disasters, we likely compare our own plight to others’ who have lost a great deal more than we. Of course, what we have experienced in Scarsdale does not come close to the depth and magnitude of human suffering in communities ravaged by the hurricane. But, don’t be fooled into thinking that we haven’t experienced our own losses or that they don’t matter. They do matter. Each of us experiences loss and pain in unique ways, usually related to our past experiences, emotional and physical constitutions and coping skills.
We can easily see the damaged houses and cars, downed power lines, the loss of a favorite tree and gasoline shortages. We are consciously aware of these things but I suggest that it is equally, if not more important, to focus on the “unseen losses.” We have lost stability and structure in our everyday lives. Getting to work is no longer jumping on the train to a subway and landing in the office by 8am. Making dinner isn’t zapping frozen food into the microwave (yes, that’s usually dinner in my house). The storm has taken away much of what we experience as normal and that in itself is a loss. Allowing ourselves to recognize these losses is the basis for our ability to manage and heal from them.
Feeling Out of Control is a Normal Reaction to an Abnormal Situation
Although you may feel as if you are “out of control” or “having a nervous breakdown” (not a technical word in the psychiatric world), odds are you aren’t. What you are experiencing is most likely an anxiety reaction to a stressful situation. Anxiety can interfere with our sleep, concentration, and ability to feel connected to people. It can manifest in physical discomfort such as dizziness and gastrointestinal problems. Anxiety is fleeting. It may feel like it lasts forever but it rarely does. Taking slow deep breaths in through your nose and breathing out through your mouth can help promote muscle relaxation and thereby reduce anxiety. Remember, your body cannot be simultaneously anxious and relaxed.
Perhaps you’ve heard it before. What matters most is not necessarily the crises experienced but the ways in which we respond to them. We cannot control when the Con Ed crew will repair our power lines but we can choose how to deal with these situations. We can become enraged while waiting in long gas lines or we can listen to music, we can worry incessantly or we can choose to deal with one issue at a time. We can feel as if the external world is defining our lives or we can take control of what we can. It’s important to remind ourselves that although some important things are out of our control today, we do have the power (no pun intended) to control more than we realize.
Reach Out and Touch Someone
Literally, human contact can make us feel better. Chatting with family, friends, neighbors, even people next to us in the supermarket can make us feel less alone and therefore less vulnerable. This is especially true for those of us who are used to being with peers in pressured work environments and who are now attempting to work from home with all that entails (Do I hear screaming children in the background of that conference call?). Vulnerability can predispose us to unnecessary stress. Being social, whether in-vivo or virtual, can actually “inoculate” us against the deleterious side effects of chronic stress.
Move
No, I don’t mean move from Scarsdale (as tempting as that seems to me at the moment), but move your body. We all know the research about the importance of exercise and the release of endorphins, the body’s “feel good” chemicals. Run up and down your steps. Do some basic stretching exercises. (As I am not an exercise aficionado I am taking my own advice on this one).
Michelle Sanders, M.S. Ed., Psy. D. has a doctorate in child clinical psychology. She lives in Scarsdale with her husband and ten year old twins. Dr. Sanders will be opening her private practice, specializing in children, in the Spring of 2013. She has held faculty positions at Pace University in New York City and the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in the Bronx. Her research has been published in several academic journals. You can reach her at: [email protected]. Michelle is not a physician and recommends that psychological or physical symptoms be assessed by a mental health or medical professional. Her suggestions are not a substitution for medical advice.