Election Humor: Join the (Political) Party

Election time is drawing nigh. Before you hit the polls, brush up on your political vocab—Scarsdale-style!

Dimocrat – Someone who feels that if Scarsdale's land barons are the only ones who are allowed to install generators, the entire village should just sit in the dark.

Auto-crat – The jerk who parked his car at a 45-degree angle, taking up two precious spaces in the C-Town lot.

Three-publican – Someone who secretly wishes there were more places in Scarsdale to drown the day's aggravations with a nice cold mojito.

Lawn Noam – Person who sticks lots of "NOAM BRAMSON FOR COUNTY EXECUTIVE" signs on his yard.

Tee-party member – That annoying dude you spy enjoying himself on the Saxon Woods Golf Course while you're stuck in commuter traffic on the Hutch.

Majority whip – The crowd that's always in front of you at Starbucks, demanding elaborately frothed caramel-ribbon cappuccinos, when you're trying to order a black coffee and still catch your train.

Buypartisan – A person who gets most of her clothes from Great Stuff...but (shhh!) can't resist a good sale at Target.

Camp-pain manager – The friend who talks you down when you get the five-figure early-enrollment bill for your child's summer sleepaway program.

Left (or right)-wing activist - Someone who feels that Scarsdale's geese should roam and poop as they please.

Income-bent – An individual so intent on maximizing her cash flow that she allegedly grows enough pot to supply every aging hippy from here to Hastings.

Dark Horse candidate - Anyone seeking elegant knick-knacks that suggest a bon vivant lives in their home, instead of rowdy children whose fingers are permanently dyed Cheetos-orange.

Fill-ibusters – Folks who queued up at the Mobil Station in Heathcote during Hurricane Sandy, even though their tank was still more than half full.

Pun-dit – Local writer with a compulsive desire to make awful plays on words.

Boo-sterism: Loudly praising your child's Halloween window-painting contest entry, in hopes of swaying any nearby judges.

Deborah Skolnik is a Greenacres mother of two and the Content Director for Myron Corporation, a large business-gifts firm in Maywood, New Jersey. She is proud of her daughter Clara who took first place in her age group in the window-painting contest, despite the fact that she did not engage in boo-sterism!