Ode to the Massage Parlors

Scarsdale satirist Deborah Skolnik wrote this poem in honor of the police closing six so-called 'massage parlors' on Central Avenue in Scarsdale last week.

THAT SPECIAL SCARSDALE TOUCH

Scarsdale's a stressful, type-A town,
but try not to let it get you down!
When you're rubbed the wrong way, don't get uptight:
Someone nearby can rub you just right.

To infuse a dull day with ooh and ahh,
guys head to a Central Ave unlicensed 'spa.'
The attractive staff greets them with wide-open arms,
and allegedly some other wide-open charms.

The gals don't do highlights, and no balayage.
What they do is, uh—hmm, they call it massage.
There isn't a mani or pedi in sight,
nor even a blow-dry...well, that one's half-right.

We're far too polite here to guess at their biz. Could
Five Corners' red light not be the sole one there is?
Has Scarsdale branched out multiculturally,
so you can go 'round the world right in 10583?

But now the cops forced all these great spas to close!
I suppose they simply could move if they chose.
Right here in the Village there's unoccupied space—
to let it stay empty is such a disgrace.

How about the old Child's Play? It makes total sense.
Just change Child's to Adults' for the new audience!
If you're sick of snide store clerks, enjoy the new tune:
The spa gals say "Goodbye!" and "Come again—soon!"

© 2015 Deborah Skolnik

See more poems from Deborah Skolnik on her Facebook Page, Gentle Scarsdale Satire. Search for it on Facebook, request to be added and you'll be promptly approved. In less than 3 weeks the page has grown to more than 400 local residents, amused by its slyly humorous daily verses.