Monday, Dec 23rd

Ask Jocelyn

jocelynScarsdale resident Jocelyn Greenky-Herz loves to give advice. In fact, in 2004, Simon and Schuster published her first book of advice, The Big Sister's Guide to The World of Work: The Inside Rules that Every Working Girl Should Know (www.BigSistersGuide.com). She has appeared on numerous television and radio shows and is a featured speaker at universities, corporations and women's organizations around the country. She is an AOL Coach (www.coach.com) and a mentor within the Women of Tomorrow Mentor and Scholarship Program (www.Women-of-Tomorrow.com). She lives with her two children, dog, cat and numerous visitors and is a keen observer of life in town. Here are her answers to a few tricky questions about friendship:

Question: My friend is always invading my personal space and stands so close to me that I can’t think straight. I hate it. Help, how do I get her to stop?

Answer: Take a step back to put at least two feet between yourselves. If she moves forward, tell her you have been sick and don’t want her to get your germs. When you leave, do not kiss goodbye or do any air kissing and let her know how great it was to see her. The next time you see her, ensure you keep the two feet rule going and eventually she should get it.

Question: My supposed best friend ratted me out on a new pair of Gucci's to my husband that I wanted to keep secret. Do you think I should ditch her?

Answer:: I hate that. It happened to me as well. I have to say, it’s not the greatest thing on earth that she busted your trust. However, she was probably doing it for a laugh and to get you back for something else. I would have a good heart to heart and let her know to knock off squealing on you because it hurt you. Think twice before you tell her anything of real importance because she did show you her true colors.

Question: I go crazy when I call some of my friends and they jabber on only about their kids. It's just so annoying. What can I do?

Answer: Know what you are in for when you call that person. Get a bag of popcorn, pretend you are at the movies, put a timer on and listen. Once the 9 minutes are up, tell your friend you forgot to do something important and tell her how great it was to catch up and then, hang up. Your friend will think you are an amazing listener - and you have done your duty. Here's the real piece of advice, if you ever plan to share a meal with that person, you will be locked in for hours - so try and only make it a phone call.

Question: I told my close friend a secret that I wish I had kept to myself. What now?

Answer: Remind yourself that whatever you say to another human being - other than to clergy or a parent – may be repeated. Take your friend out to coffee and ask her to please keep it on the DL (down low for those of you who are learning the English language). I am sure she will say of course that she will keep it confidential but we all know that doesn't guarantee squat. Most likely your friend won't repeat a thing knowing how important it is to you. Next time, THINK, THINK, THINK before you repeat something that you consider sensitive.

Question: My friend makes plans with me and is either always late or cancels at the last minute. What can I do?

Answer: Uh, don't make plans with her! GET RID OF HER. Really, what kind of friend is that exactly? Even though she may listen to your trials and tribulations - anyone who is not respectful of your time should go bye-bye from your personal Rolodex. Don't put up with that malarkey and find friends who are considerate.

If you have comments about the questions above, or additional questions for Jocelyn, please post them in the comments section below.